Life Design Insights #2

What CONVERSATIONS Are Missing In Your Life?

If you reflect upon every relationship in your life, both personal and professional, you will see that they are based almost entirely in CONVERSATION. What exactly does that mean? That means when you look closely at the relationships you have in your life -- whether or not you feel close to or distant from that person, whether or not you feel like you get along or don't get along, or whether or not you work together well or don't work together well, you begin to see the dramatic difference in the conversations you have in those relationships.

Putting it in simple terms, the conversations of a good, close relationship are entirely different from a bad, distant relationship They are usually revealing, honest, intimate and sometimes bold. Think about how many times you've uttered the words "You won't believe what so and so said..." or "..what I said..." to someone, in both a positive and negative sense.

In working with thousands of people over the years, both personally and professionally, I've come to realize that what often makes bad, distant relationships bad and distant is that there are CONVERSATIONS MISSING. We're not saying what we most want to say, for many reasons, fear of how the other person will react being a primary one.

What I'm saying is this: THE CONVERSATION IS THE RELATIONSHIP! If you want to change any relationship in your life, you MUST change the conversations that constitute that relationship. Some examples are:

• If you want more intimacy in your primary relationship, you may need to stop talking about sports and the weather and start talking about what matters most to you, what your dreams are and so on.
• If you want to feel more connected with others and have them feel more connected with you, you may need to share more with them, be vulnerable, and actually listen to what they have to say.
• If you want to get along better with your co-workers, you may want to stop talking about them with others (gossiping) and start taking any issues you have with them directly to them. And, take responsibility for and speak your own shortfalls with them first!
• If you want to be a better leader, you may want to start acknowledging your direct reports for the job their doing, own your mistakes and apologize for them, and have the "hard conversations" that must be had to correct their performance.
• Finally, start with the conversations that are missing WITH YOURSELF. Many of us talk to ourselves in a way that we would never let others speak to us! Stop those "whipping yourself" conversations and start acknowledging yourself for who you are and what you do well.

Finally, conversations with others don't just consist of one party talking. We must learn to also truly LISTEN to others for these MISSING CONVERSATIONS to be effective.

As far as we know, this thing we call life is not a dress rehearsal. So, go have the conversations you need to have, with others and yourself!