Life Design Insights #15

Let's Talk about Time Management... AGAIN!

You probably think I'm beating a dead horse, and perhaps I am, but I see the problem getting worse and feel compelled to speak about it again. I'm hearing the words "I don't have enough time to..." from more and more of the people I meet, clients included. Hear me loud and clear here folks:

IT'S NOT ABOUT HAVING ENOUGH TIME OR TIME MANAGEMENT!

If you're focused on time and time management, you're looking in the wrong place to solve the problem.

Why am I so passionate and loud about this? I see so many of my clients and friends suffering under this illusion. It's not the only one, but it is a big one.

Here's the deal: you can not manage time! In a literal sense, think about it. You can't add minutes or hours to the end of a day when you need that extra time to get things done. You can't stop the clock when you need that extra time before the meeting to be as prepared as you'd like. You can't slow down the clock when you're running late for that meeting, or to pick up your kids, or to meet your spouse, date or friends, etc. Sound familiar? I bet it does.

We must stop and ask ourselves, what's going on here? Of course, right about now you're probably saying "Mark, I don't have time to stop and ask". And therein lies the problem. If it's that crazy, you have no choice but to stop and ask if you want this craziness to stop.

I'll cut to the chase. Folks, the issue is PROMISE MANAGEMENT - you don't know how to effectively manage your promises in life! You're not alone. In today's world, and specifically our culture, a majority of us struggle with this one. What's the solution? You probably won't like it, but here are some of the possible answers:

• You must first notice what drives you to over-promise - Take an honest, hard look at how you over-promise. Do you want to please everyone? Are you afraid of being disliked? Are you afraid of the boss holding it against you or even firing you? I'm not saying these are invalid reasons, I'm saying let's first take an honest look at what's driving your over-promising.
• You must learn to say something other than YES to people's requests. In other words, you must learn to say NO, to counter-offer, or to commit to let them know later once you've had a chance to check or think about it. That includes your boss and peers as well as family and friends. Before you say "Mark, I can't say no to (fill in the blank)", let me say "Yes, you can, but you may not know how to right now".
• You must get clear on who you are, what your purpose is, and where you want to go. Without this clarity, you'll jump at every attractive offer that comes your way. Let's face it; there are many fun and exciting things to say YES to out there. Managing your promises means sometimes saying NO to things that seem like fun in the moment because it's doesn't fit your vision for your life.
• You must learn to be OK with others not being happy with your choices. If you're addicted to others' positive opinions about you, welcome to suffering! A coach of mine once said to me "Mark, you must risk betraying others so as not to betray yourself". I now clearly understand what he meant.
• You must learn to ask others for help. Let's face it folks, the world is too big and there are too many things happening these days to do everything all by yourself. It's not possible. We need to stop being Lone Rangers and Lone Rangerettes and learn to ask for help. And, the benefit of this is that you enroll others in your world, you build strong, connected relationships, and you build community. How many of you are missing human community these days as we rapidly create virtual communities?

A fundamental truth here is this: As human beings, we only have so much CAPACITY for ACTION in a waking day. The way you fill that capacity is by making promises - saying yes to other people's requests. How many of you are already at or over your capacity and you're still saying yes to more things? How are you going to fit in that new promise? Basic math here - if you're at capacity and you say yes to something new, something old must go away,

Our professional lives are a main contributor to our over-promising. Executives and leaders are making promises on behalf of the company and those promises influence everyone in the organization. A great deal of stress is created in this way. Our organizational cultures of MORE, MORE, MORE are killing us here folks. My article next month will focus in more detail on how companies are a large culprit in over-promising.

I think the bottom line is this: we must wake up and notice the CHOICES we're making every day! Once we see what we are up to with our promises, it may require we make some HARD CHOICES about where we will use our capacity and, perhaps more importantly, where we won't.

 I challenge you to take a hard look at how you're doing promises in your life.

If you want to design a different life, one with less stress and more peace, start with your promises.