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Wake Up and Pay Attention! - I think most people are incredibly unaware of themselves and what they're doing. And for many of them, they're blaming others for where they are in their life. It's time to wake up and pay attention! It's almost like we're walking around in the dark doing our best not to kill each other. You are where you are as a result of the choices you've made to this point in your life - period. The key to designing anything different in your life is to become a better Observer of yourself. You can't change others, and you can't change what you don't SEE, so start with and focus on yourself! If something isn't working in your life, take a look at it and take a new action.
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The quicker you can accept things, the more peaceful you'll be - And I mean anything in your life! Peace comes when we are in FULL ACCEPTANCE of the FACTS of our life. Acceptance doesn't mean you like it, or condone it, or wish it had happened. It simply means I accept what is so right now in my life. The sooner you can accept what is so, the sooner you'll find peace in this moment, and ironically, the more energy you'll have to change it in the future if you so desire. Do you hear this voice in your head often? "It shouldn't be this way...", or "I shouldn't have to deal with...", or "It ought to be..." These are clear signs that you are not in acceptance. As a friend of mine used to say (contrary to Bill Clinton's position) "It is what it is".
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The secret to good communication is excellent LISTENING - We spend so much time trying to think about and prepare what we're going to say, how we're going to say it, and so on to improve our communication skills. We're looking in the wrong place! My experience has been that most people are crappy listeners and that's what gets in their way of being good communicators - but more importantly from having the relationships they want. See my next point for why that matters. Notice why you don't listen well, then learn to listen well to others and you'll open up a whole new world of communication - AND create some powerful relationships. We speak to be listened to, so start LISTENING!
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The Conversations ARE the Relationship! - Simply put, if you can't have certain conversations, you can't have a certain kind of relationship. Many people are unable to say what they need to say, honestly and directly, because their relationship won't HOLD the conversation - it will implode, feelings get hurt, and so on. What we don't see is that we literally START, MAINTAIN, NURTURE and END relationships in conversation. So, if you want any relationship in your life to be different, you must be willing to have a different conversation. If you wait until the relationship changes, or until it feels safer to have the conversation, before you're willing to have the conversation, you're stuck!
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Others don't see the same world you do - We literally don't see the same world as another person. Said another way, we don't see things the same way. Given that, do we treat other people and their perspective with dignity and respect, or do we make them WRONG because they don't see it the way we do? In my coaching and workshop business, this may be the biggest killer of both personal and professional relationships - our SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. I'm guilty of it at times too. It almost seems like it comes with the territory of being a human being, but it doesn't. It's something we've learned over many, many years, and it is killing off relationships all the time. And, this of course ties to #3, because the minute you decide that what they see, think or believe is WRONG, you stop listening and you write them off. Said more bluntly, you can be RIGHT, or you can be in RELATIONSHIP, but you can't have both!
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As human beings, we have a HUGE capacity to learn - I believe most of our "problems" can be solved with NEW LEARNING, whether individually or collectively. But, our orientation to learning as adults is often horrible. We somehow have decided that since we're out of school, our learning is done. And, what traps us even more is this belief that our PERSONALITY, which is fixed, won't allow us to learn something. BALONEY! We're actually more Human Becomings than we are Human Beings. We are not fixed! Being a Human Being is an ONGOING, CONTINUOUS, LIFETIME process of GROWTH, DEVELOPMENT and CHANGE!